The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
