I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
