just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wish there were birth control emojis
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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