I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
