p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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