Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
There r osticjed everywhere
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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