Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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