I like my sex mixed with concussions.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
