I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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