i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
