i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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