im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
