Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
