forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
