It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
