Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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