my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
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Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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