Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
