so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
