after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
