brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
