Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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