I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
