you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
