Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
