I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
