I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
