Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
