I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
