I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
