If i come over, it means nothing
I need help removing her.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
