You're so nebulous sometimes
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
