dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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