Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just found a bag of teeth...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
