There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
