i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
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after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
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I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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