I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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