I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
