So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
