I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
