Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
