Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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