dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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