before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
