the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
