Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
