I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Will exercising make me less horny?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
