hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
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My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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