Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
