i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
