If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
