This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
