she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
