Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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