This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
