My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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