Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
