i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
