if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
