Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
