My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize