Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
