I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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