I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am mentally ready for anal.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
