i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
