just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Soap is not a condiment
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's official drugs can't kill me
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
