they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
