my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"