whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.