So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
