I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
