You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
