sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
