she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
