So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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