shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
