can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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